


And Now I Have to Kill This Fucking Clown

by rebelrey



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comfort, Drunkenness, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Jyn Erso-centric, Kissing, Lots of Cursing, Nightmares, Rated mature because I included an excessive amount of cursing and idk how to rate, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, Sharing a Bed, goofy and light-hearted, it movie (2017), no spoilers for the film itself though, slightly inspired by my viewing of, surprising for a scary movie thing i know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-12-26 17:08:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12063402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelrey/pseuds/rebelrey
Summary: When Jyn is invited to go see a horror film with her friends, she agrees, choosing to forget the fact that she really really really cannot handle horror.  Good thing her friend and roommate Cassian is there to help when things seem to go bump in the night.





	1. THE FRIENDS AND THE FILM

**Author's Note:**

> So the premise of this comes from the fact that I agreed to go see "It" with my friend despite the fact that horror movies really fuck me up. To the point where I can't sleep for a couple nights afterwards. I was having trouble going to sleep the first night after I saw the movie, so to make myself feel better I decided to imagine what might happen if rebelcaptain went to see it together and then had to deal with the after-effects. 
> 
> (Although I will say it was really well-done and I still think it was worth going IF you do occasionally like horror.)
> 
> [slight spoiler]: Title taken from my favorite line in the movie because fuck Pennywise.

 

It had seemed like a great idea.A movie night out with friends, maybe get some food, head home, and that would be it.It wasn’t until after that Jyn remembered why she never went to see horror films…

 

The original idea had been Han’s.As soon as he heard they were remaking his favorite horror flick of all time he _had_ to go.And Leia _had_ to come with him. 

 

But Leia was not one to watch horror films and, despite all the promises from her boyfriend that he would “protect” her, she didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him, so she insisted someone else come along as well.Han for the most part was a kind and dutiful partner, but no one would be surprised in the least if he concocted some prank to make Leia jump out of her skin in the movie theatre.

 

Kay was the first to volunteer to accompany the happy couple (“I never get scared in horror films.I always see the jumps coming.”) which of course meant Cassian would be tagging along (they were best friends after all).Then, Luke wanted to join in once he heard it was going to be a thing, and the rest snowballed from there.When it came time to book tickets, the head count stood at ten.So when they asked Jyn if she wanted to make it eleven, she said yes.As introverted as she was sometimes, it sounded like fun and it was nice to be included in things, not that she would ever admit that to her asshole friends.

 

That didn’t stop Leia from reminding her at every possible opportunity that her original “no” had been changed to a “yes” once she’d heard Cassian would be there. 

 

“It’s not like that!” Jyn insisted.“We’re just roommates.I didn’t want to be a third wheel to you and Han.Once I found out there was more than just the two of you going…”

 

“Sure, sure,” Leia smirked.Jyn responded with an annoyed huff.

 

When Friday afternoon came around, Jyn started to have doubts about her decision to come along.Yes, she would be happy to get a drink with her friends after another gruelling day of work and then to watch a movie with everyone, but Jyn didn’t like horror.At all.And she really didn’t like clowns.But the ticket was bought and she was going.She was going to hang out with her friends. 

 

_And Cassian_ , a quiet and uninvited whispered in the back of her mind, _you’ll get to hang out with Cassian_.She shook the thought away, tried to squash the bubbling anticipation at hanging out with a man who, despite sharing an apartment, she still didn’t know very well.They had met when Jyn had been looking for a place to live and her friend Bodhi had told her he and his roommates were looking for a fourth.Bodhi knew Kay from a previous job (at some horrible company they loved to talk about with hatred every time they were together), and Cassian was a friend of Kay’s.  So Jyn and Cassian were already friends, sort of.  Well, they were friendly.  They knew each other.  Jyn shook the thought away and tried to focus on the last hour of work.

**.   .   . **

The movie was an earlier showing in the evening(“I don’t want it to be spoiled!” Han said when they were sorting out arrangements.“Isn’t it just a remake?” Bodhi asked in the group chat.“Just a remake?!” Han replied.) so the plan was to meet at the nearby bar so they could knock back a few drinks and wait for everyone to arrive before heading over to the theatre together. Jyn was one of the first there, so she ordered a G&T before walking over to a side room where the early arrivals had begun to gather.

 

“Jyn!” Chirrut cried with joy, detaching himself from his husband’s arm so he could squeeze her in a tight hug.“How was work?”

 

Jyn gave a small grimace before a shadow fell across her and suddenly she was wrapped up in a hug from that brought her off her feet, and she felt the words “little sister!” rumble through her.

 

“ _Oof_ , hi!Baze could you put me down?” despite the feelings Jyn had about being lifted (especially as a person of a lower stature), the bear hug left her grinning once Baze placed her back on the ground.

 

“Work?It was well…you know work.” She shrugged.

 

Chirrut gave her a knowing look, but let the subject lie, which Jyn was appreciative of.Chirrut and Baze knew when to push, and they knew when to leave well-enough alone.She turned to the other member of the group that had already arrived.

 

“Hey Luke, it’s been a while,” she gave a small smile to the blond man sipping a beer behind Baze.“Good to see you.How’s work for you guys?” Jyn asked, giving her drink a light stir.

 

“Great!” Chirrut beamed proudly.“We actually just had a meeting with an investor today.She loves our studio and was talking about maybe opening up another location!”Jyn smiled at that.  Baze and Chirrut were the owners of a martial arts studio that had gained popularity with some of the local yuppies looking for cooler and more alternative ways to work out.They had hired Luke a few months back to help with their growing demand. 

 

Baze gave a disapproving _harrumph_ (he’d wanted to ban the invading trend-setters from the studio altogether but had been convinced that wasn’t the best idea), but before he could say anything about it another figure sidled up beside Jyn.

 

“Well, hello there.Can I get you anything to drink?”The man flashed a brilliant grin and Jyn smirked back before rattling the ice in her still half-full drink in his face.

 

“Sorry Lando, I’m set.”His grin didn’t falter.

 

“Oh well, you’ll just have to let me get the next one.”  Jyn resisted pulling a face.

 

“Mmhmm.Where’s Leia and Han?” she asked, trying to derail Lando’s usual unfaltering flirtations. 

 

“Princess and lover boy?Oh they’re just parking.I was sent ahead to get a table and order drinks.”

 

Jyn tried to keep her grin from looking too shit-eating as she said, “Well we’ve got a table, better go order those drinks.”

 

Lando just grinned back and swept away to the bar. 

 

Jyn barely had time to exchange looks with the three men in front of her, before more people arrived. 

 

“Welcome to the party,” Chirrut smiled, before wrapping up Bodhi in a hug. 

 

“Glad to be here.Jesus, how many people did Han invite?” Bodhi asked looking around surveying everyone who had arrived.Jyn saw behind Bodhi that Kay and Cassian were making their way over from the bar.Lando greeted them animatedly and Cassian gave a nod and a smile that Jyn thought didn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

“Enough, it would seem,” Jyn said dryly before giving him a grin. 

 

Of course, Han and Leia were the last to arrive, accompanied by Chewie, whose long beard seemed to have doubled in size since Jyn last saw him.

 

“Hey Chewie!”Luke called over the low din that had begun to buzz through the bar.“Haven’t seen you in ages, how’ve you been?”

 

“That’s an ix-nay on the small talk, kid,” Han replied for him.“Laryngitis,” he added in the way of explanation.Chewie gave a small grumble of annoyance. 

 

“Well now that everyone’s here, should we get going?” Han asked eagerly.

 

Leia sighed.“Can we wait just a little bit?I’d like to enjoy at least one adult beverage before I’m subjected to this…film.” 

 

“On that note,” Jyn said, “I need at least two adult beverages in my system before I can even think about sitting through this movie.”She stood to move to the bar and Lando seemed to be a second from pouncing before Cassian stood up quickly.

 

“I need a drink, too,” he said, a bit gruffly.

 

“But Cassian, you just had one,” Kay explained, with the tone of someone speaking to an individual with severe memory problems. 

 

“I need _another_ drink,” Cassian clarified, before falling in beside Jyn so they could head to the bar. 

 

“Thank you,” Jyn whispered.“I know Lando doesn’t mean any harm but…”

 

“Don’t worry about it,”Cassian murmured back.“I really do want a second drink as well.How I let myself be talk into this, I’ll never know.” 

 

They reached the bar.“Well,” Jyn said, as they waited to put in an order, “If you need a third or fourth drink, during the movie, I’ve got you covered.”Jyn subtly opened her bag, a large messenger, to reveal a couple six-packs of beer. 

 

Cassian looked at her with admiration.“You’re a saint.”

 

Jyn was grateful the bartender arrived then so she didn’t have to worry about hiding her creeping flush.

 

They ordered and Cassian, ever the gentleman, insisted he paid (“you’re definitely sharing some of those drinks with me later, so I got this round”).

 

“So,” Jyn said as their order was poured, “how do you really feel about horror movie featuring murderous clowns?Because I am not a fan and yet, I’m here.”

 

Cassian shook his head.“I have absolutely zero interest in clowns of any kind, much less the psychotic horror-movie sort, so I can’t really put my finger on why I agreed to come along.And now that the actual moment where we’re going to sit down and watch this is staring me in the face, I’m really questioning my life choices.”

 

Jyn laughed.“I thought it would be nice to hang out and see friends but now I’m wondering why it had to be like this.”

 

“Yeah!” Cassian agreed, “I mean, I definitely came along because I wanted to see, you know, everyone, but now…”He shook his head morosely, but he was smiling. 

 

“Here you go,” the bartender placed two drinks and two shots in front of them. 

 

“Did you order something for Kay and Bodhi?” Jyn asked, looking at the shot glasses.

 

“No, one of those is for me,” Cassian replied, “because I really do hate clowns and I need it, and one is for you, should you choose to accept.” 

 

Jyn took up the shot glass without hesitation, “Thank god, I like the way you think, Andor.” 

 

He grinned, taking up his own shot.“What should we drink to?”

 

Jyn thought for a moment, then said.“How about against? Fuck Stephen King?” 

 

Cassian laughed heartily, nodding, “Fuck Stephen King.”They clinked their glasses together and downed them. 

 

“Holy fuck,” Jyn said.“Tequila?Seriously, dude?This night is not going to end well for me.” 

 

“What? Tequila is good!Better than whisky.”Cassian wrinkled his nose.  


 

“At least whisky only makes me sleepy, tequila makes me, well,”Jyn tried to think of the right word, “sloppy.” 

 

Cassian laughed again.“Well, I’m sure Bodhi and Kay will get us home alright, so nothing wrong with getting a little sloppy, if only to survive this ordeal.” 

 

A low shout came from across the bar.

 

“Yo!We’re headed off, you guys,” Bodhi gestured towards the door, and Jyn and Cassian exchanged a glance.

 

“I guess it’s time,” Cassian said.

 

“God help us,” Jyn mumbled, downing her last drink in one go. 

 

 

**.  .  . **

 

Once they arrived at the theatre they realized the party was too large for them to all stick together, so they ended up breaking off into smaller groups to find space.Leia was flanked by Han and Chewie, both of whom were required to surrender an arm for Leia to clasp to.Baze and Chirrut found a pair of seats so they could sit behind the trio of Bodhi, Luke, and Lando.Which left Jyn, Cassian, and Kay to find a set of three seats of their own.

 

“You can sit in the middle,” Jyn grinned to Cassian, “I’m sure Kay will want to point out all the signs that the clown guy is about to jump out."He suppressed a smile as Kay huffed indignantly.

 

“I would never do that.Just because I know doesn’t mean I’ll spoil it for the people around me.Besides, I read the book and saw the 1990 adaptation so I have an unfair advantage.It is just a remake after all, I probably could say now when Pennywise will appear.” 

 

A few rows down came the indignant voice of Han.“ _Just_ a remake?!!No, it’s so much more than that you guys…”As Han launched into his third lecture for the evening about Muschietti and his avant-garde horror genius. 

 

When the film finally began, Jyn hunkered down in her seat, clutching her beer close to her.

 

“Oh god, I’m not ready,” she said. 

 

“Me neither,” Cassian whispered, “give me one of those beers.”

 

They managed to get through the film with no incidents beyond the usual jumping and occasional yell of fear.There were a lot more funny bits than Jyn expected and they were welcome between all the terrifying demonic clown bits.There was one part in the middle that almost caused Jyn to fall out of her chair with fright.She went to clasp the arm rest and found Cassian’s arm there instead but, too terrified and drunk to be embarrassed, she held onto him for most of the rest of the movie.He didn’t seem to mind, jumping just as bad at all the terrifying parts as Jyn.Kay, who had definitely talked a big game about being able to predict all the jumps, yelled “fuck!” more times than Jyn had ever heard him say during the entirety of their acquaintance.

 

Afterwards, they made their way to a burger joint down the block and squeezed in around the biggest table available. 

 

“That,” Leia said between mouthfuls, “Was. Awful.I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep for a month.”They launched into a discussion about what was the most awful, with most of them lamenting having watched it at all. 

 

Han scoffed at them all but Bodhi shot at him,“I don’t know what you were watching, but that looked pretty close to remake to me.Not exactly shot for shot, but I mean…” he trailed off and shrugged, sipping his milkshake, and Han looked like he wanted to argue, but he knew Bodhi was right.

 

“I don’t know, it was actually pretty good,” Jyn piped up.“It was totally terrifying and really unsettling at some parts, but isn’t that the point?And it was pretty funny, too.” 

 

Leia looked at her with astonishment.“What?” Jyn asked.“You have to admit, Richie was hilarious.Definitely my favorite.” 

 

“You,” Leia began, “liked it?When we watched Indiana Jones we had to skip the part with the guy’s face melting but you didn’t mind watching this??”

 

Jyn shrugged and Leia eyed her suspiciously, glancing at Cassian and back to Jyn when no one else was looking.Then she smirked at Jyn.Jyn shot her a look that said _don’t you fucking dare say a word_.But of course, Kay beat her to the punch. 

 

“Well she had Cassian to hang on to this time, so I’m sure that helped,” Kay said, oblivious to the relative quiet that fell across the table.Cassian looked at Kay with murder in his eyes but Jyn, anticipating Kay pulling this shit (as he was known to do), had a reply ready.

 

“Actually, I think it was listening to you freak out the whole time Mr. I-Can-Predict-Everything.How many times did you say "fuck"?Oh wait I know how many cause I counted, it was 34.”They couldn’t help but laugh at that; one of these “fucks” had been shouted halfway through the film when the clown wasn’t even on screen, much to the entertainment of everyone in the theatre. 

 

“Besides,” Jyn went on, “I had plenty of support from Mr. Anheuser-Busch.”She pulled out a handful of empty beer cans from her bag.

 

“Christ, how much of that swill did you drink?” asked Leia.

 

“It’s not about the taste,” Jyn shot back, a slightly-drunken grin on her face, “It’s about the effect.”They laughed as the good-natured bickering over the film continued.


	2. BUMP IN THE NIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that the movie is over and night has descended, things start to get scary for Jyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I AM THE WORST, I am so so sorry for the delay for anyone who was waiting. 
> 
> I started writing this as soon as I put the last chapter out ages ago (in SEPTEMBER what the HECK), but kept getting stuck on the story (it really fought me) and life was happening and such. I decided I just needed to put what I had out there, and stop trying to be such a perfectionist and just accept that I’m just not going to be able to fix all my perceived issues. 
> 
> So sorry, especially for any tense shifts, I have a lot of trouble keeping them straight when I write over a period of time. And then I tried to fix a few but honestly I just might have made it worse, so please just ignore the tenses if you can. Time is an illusion! Also, no betas, we live with our embarrassing typos like ~~men~~ fic writers.
> 
> **Previously in this fic:** the whole extended SW rebel gang (including the roommates Bodhi, Cassian, Kay, and Jyn) went out to see the movie ‘It.’ Jyn leaves the film slightly drunk and thinking she’s fine and the movie didn’t scare her at all.

Jyn felt fine right after the movie. She really did. Riding the buzz of the alcohol, the adrenaline from the film, and the endorphins of laughing with her friends, how could she not feel fine?

But, after they’d said their goodbyes and went their separate ways to return home, the chemical highs of the night began to fade away and Jyn started to feel jumpy.  She glanced over her shoulder every few seconds despite the fact that she had Bodhi and Luke, who walked arm in arm, as well as Kay and Cassian with her.   

“Everything alright?” Bodhi asked. It sounded like a genuinely concerned question but he was also suppressing a smirk.

“I’m fine,” Jyn snapped, still glancing over her shoulder every few seconds.

Bodhi gave Jyn a kindly pat on the shoulder.

“Well, Luke and I have decided we’re going to the Cantina for a bit before we head home.  Anyone else in?” Bodhi looked a little hopefully at his friends.

“I’m already one drink away from too many, and I’m not getting my next paycheck until Tuesday, so I can’t,” Cassian gave a slight grimace.

“I can’t either,” Jyn frowned.  “I haven’t done laundry in weeks so it would be better if I wasn’t sleeping off a hangover all day tomorrow...  Also you two get all touchy feely at the Cantina.”  Jyn’s frown turned into a smirk.  “You guys are great but I don’t really enjoy watching my friends make out with each other.”

Luke made a face at Jyn.  “Well, sorrrrrrryyyyyyyyy. I didn’t realize we were such an _embarrassment_ , Miss I’ve-Never-Made-Out-With- _Anyone_ -In-Front-Of-My-Friends.”  Bodhi’s bark of laughter caused Jyn to jump and then they all laughed.  Jyn scowled.

“In her defense,” Cassian interjected, “you guys do sort of go crazy when you’re drinking.  And when we’re at the Cantina...specifically.”

Luke huffed.  “I have no idea what you’re referring to.”

“I think what Cassian is referring to is the fact that you and Bodhi become especially affectionate towards one another at that bar because of the extremely close proximity of Luke’s apartment, just above it,” Kay said with little inflection.  

This time Luke gave a loud “Ha!” and Jyn jumped again, much to the group’s amusement.

A deep blush rose in Bodhi’s cheeks but he still smiled at Kay.  “Does that mean you’re not joining us for a drink then?”

“As much as I enjoy being a ‘third wheel’ to you and your beloved, I think I will also pass.”

“Who says you’re not going to be a third wheel anyways?” Luke murmured under his breath.  

Jyn broke off from her paranoid scanning of every doorway and alley they walked by to glare at him.  Cassian, who was on the other side of Kay, didn’t seem to hear what Luke had said.  

_What the fuck, Luke_? Jyn wanted to hiss, but she restrained herself.  

Bodhi mercifully ignored the remark.  “Well then, I guess it’s just me and you, babe.”  He turned to face his three roommates.  “We might see you guys tomorrow then? Depending on if I’ve left any clean clothes at Luke’s.”  Bodhi waggled his eyebrows while Cassian rolled his eyes and Jyn groaned.

Luke and Bodhi drifted off into the night and soon the remaining three roommates were back at their apartment.  

Jyn got ready for bed as usual, but the tension in the pit of her stomach continued to rise, as did her paranoia. Even though she already checked behind the shower curtain when she first entered the bathroom, she felt the need to check it again while brushing her teeth, and once more before washing her face. When she closed her eyes to rinse the soap from her forehead she felt a sudden jolt of fear, as if someone was standing behind her. She opened her eyes in panic, saw there was no one there, but got soap in her eyes in the process.

It wasn’t until Kay knocked impatiently on the door that she finally emerged, moving straight for her room and quickly closing the door behind her.

She wanted to keep her light on. She knew it was ridiculous and she was being childish, but she couldn’t relax in the total darkness of her room. Her paranoia kept telling her someone could easily lurk in the shadows and with the light on she could say for sure she was alone.

It took her awhile to get settled in her bed, adjusting her pillows again and again, turning one way and then another to find just the right position.

After what felt like hours of tossing and turning, she closed her eyes and willed her muscles to relax. Then, finally ( _finally_ ) Jyn began to drift off.

_Thunk_.

Her eyes shot open. The sound had come from the direction of her closet.

_It's nothing, it's nothing._

Jyn remained frozen in her bed, but she wanted to sit up, to look around to find the source of the noise so she could see that it was just something silly, an item that has fallen off her desk or…

_THUNK._

_Oh fuck no_ , she thought.

In a blind panic Jyn flipped the overhead light on and was moving around her room, checking the closet, scanning her bookshelves, christ, even peering under the bed and in each drawer of her dresser.

Where the fuck had that sound come from?

Jyn tentatively sat on the edge of her bed, looked all around her, feeling the horrible sensation that someone was standing right behind her again.

It took her a few minutes before she could calm down enough to lie down again. She tried to fall asleep but all she could do was fixate on the sound and what it could have been.

As far as she could tell nothing had fallen in her room, everything appeared to be in place. It could maybe be the central air unit flipping on or off, but it had never made that sound before. A neighbor maybe, but it had come from the direction of Bodhi’s room.

Jyn considered her options.  She could just lay here and wait for her heart to stop racing.  She could go out to the living room and sleep on the couch.  More exposed but easier to run if necessary (holy shit okay that movie had really scared her, she was preparing for an attack from what?  A clown that didn’t exist?)  Talking to people always calmed her down when her mind started to go off like this.  But calling anyone was out because anyone she could think to call would be asleep and annoyed with her waking them up, or they would just laugh at her.  She could go to one of her roommates.  Bodhi would have been her first choice, but he was at the Cantina, or Luke’s by now.  Kay... good god no, she was not going to wake up Kay.  Maybe Cassian...

**_THUD._ **

In a split second Jyn’s lights were back on and she was out of bed, headed for her door.

Thoughts flashed across her mind but none of them were fully-formed. Fight or flight seemed to have kicked in and, with nothing obvious to fight, flight it had to be.

Before she could think it completely through, she quickly but quietly wrapped her knuckles against the wood and waited. Light seemed to be coming from under his door so maybe he was still up? There was a moment of silence before Jyn thought she could hear the gentle rustling of fabric being moved and then…

The door cracked open cautiously and a dark brown eye peered through.

“Jyn?”

The door opened more to reveal Cassian standing there in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Jyn suddenly became hyper aware of how exposed she was, wearing some very short pajama shorts and a soft tank top with no bra. She walked around the apartment wearing this in the morning no problem but this felt...different. She crossed her arms.

“I…” oh god she hadn’t thought of what to say. The truth would be fine, right?  “I heard...something in my room and...fuck, sorry, but... can I come in here? Just for a minute, I just needed to talk to...someone.”

Cassian seemed to be dumbstruck.  There was a beat of silence before Jyn arched her eyebrow expectantly and Cassian cleared his throat. “Um...of course. Yeah that's fine…”

The corners of Cassian's mouth twitched but he kept his face neutral, which Jyn was grateful for. She didn't feel like being laughed at just this second.

He shifted sideways to let her in. Still bolstered by her fear, she went in with only a shadow of hesitation.

Jyn had never been in Cassian’s room before.  She'd seen it a few times, when he'd left the door open and she'd walked by it, going from the living room to the kitchen. But actually, standing inside it now, she wondered if she'd made a terrible mistake.

“So,” Cassian said. “What's up?”

Jyn balked. Right, he'd want to know why she was here.

“I was just trying to sleep. _Trying_ being the operative word.”

“Ah,” Cassian replied. “Seeing clowns?”

“More like hearing them.” She peered over her shoulder involuntarily.

“Well you're welcome to hang out in here,” Cassian said. He climbed back into his bed, leaning his back against the wall.  When Jyn didn’t move he gently patted the bed beside him.

“Thanks,” she said. Tentatively, she sat down on top of the covers, also leaning against the wall at the head of his bed.

“Honestly, I'm just so exhausted, but...that fucking clown,” she shook her head.

Cassian didn’t speak, just gave a slight nod.  

“I shouldn't be this freaked out, cause I didn't think it was all that scary right after it was over but…”

“It wasn't scary,” Cassian began.  Jyn gave him a disgruntled look, before Cassian quickly continued, “in the usual sense! But it was very...unsettling.”

“Yeah!” Jyn agreed. “There were only one or two parts where I really jumped but the rest of it was just so...so…”

“Fucked up?” Cassian offered.

“Exactly,” Jyn nodded. “Like the creepy pharmacist...”

“And the blood.”

“The shitty dad.”

“The arm was super gross.”

“And all the times that one TV show was on in the background!”

“I freaking hated that!”

“Yeah, it was…” Jyn gave a shudder, “ _so_ fucked up.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Jyn chewed on her lip and, summoning her remaining courage, turned back to Cassian.

“So, um, okay this is going to sound really weird but, is it alright if I just...sleep in here? Just for a little bit, until I can get that clown out of my head?”

Cassian seemed to freeze.  He stared unblinkingly at Jyn and the only sign that he actually heard what she'd just said was the fact that his lips parted in wordless surprise, like he wanted to say something but everything he could say had been stolen away.

Jyn was about to take it back. To say it was stupid to ask and of course she couldn't stay because that would be just weird, wouldn't it? That she was sorry for suggesting it and making things uncomfortable. To ask Cassian to forget she even asked.

“Y-yeah,” he stammered. “Yeah that's totally...good. I mean, fine. That's fine with me.”

“Okay, I can just, y’know, sleep on the floor, if I could just borrow a pillow?  I don’t think I can make it to my room and back without losing my shit.”

“Jyn, you’re more than welcome to sleep in the bed.  I-I mean, if you _want_ to, I get it if you don’t want to.  Actually what am I saying?  You can sleep in the bed, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“No!  It’s your bed, I’m not kicking you out of your own bed.”

“Well I’m not going to make you sleep on the floor.  Have you seen it?  It’s disgusting.”  

“I don’t mind sharing the bed if you don’t.”

“Well, good, we can just do that then.”

“Good.”

**.   .   . **

 

There was some awkwardness as they rearranged themselves to sleep.  After agreeing it would definitely be for the best, and not at all juvenile, to leave Cassian’s lamp on, there had been the matter of the blankets.  Cassian offered to sleep on top of the covers but Jyn insisted it was fine.  They were just friends and she knew he wasn’t a creep, so why should it matter if they were both under his comforter?  It wasn’t exactly winter, but it was still too cold to sleep uncovered, and on top of that, it was awful trying to sleep without any sort of covering when a small, illogical part of your brain was convinced there could be a monster lurking around.  

Once settled, Jyn found Cassian’s presence did a lot to ease her mind, and she soon drifted off to sleep.  

Unfortunately, that was when the dreams set in. They weren't quite nightmares, but they weren't good dreams either. _Unsettling_ , like Cassian has said.

Her dreams were all figures hidden in shadows and clawed hands trying to grasp at her. She was alone on a dark street except for a single flickering streetlamp and she tried to walk quickly, but her steps seemed to move her only a quarter of the distance her strides made. Under the streetlamp was a man, hunched over with a gaunt face which Jyn barely registered.  He reached a hand of bleached bones towards her.  Someone, a woman she couldn’t see, screamed her name.  A figure robed in white was approaching behind Jyn, a guttural growl coming from where the figure’s mouth should be, right below glowing blue eyes, but then the eyes were red and she was running now, but still hardly moving and-

“Jyn.”  A hand was shaking her arm, softly at first and then harder as she realized her legs were tangled in a sheet and a different figure was hovering over her now. She could tell it was different because even though all she could see again were glinting eyes, these ones were brown and tight with worry. “Jyn!”

Finally Jyn found her voice and she gasped out, “Cassian.” Why did her voice sound so watery, like she'd been crying?

_Oh_ , Jyn thought, touching her hand to one of her cheeks. Her face was wet with tears. She had been crying.

Then Cassian was clutching her to his chest, hands pressed against her back. Without telling her arms to, they wrapped around Cassian's middle, and she tucked her face into his shoulder.

“It's alright,” Cassian rumbled, Jyn could feel the words in his chest. “It's alright.”

Jyn realized she was trembling. She dug her hands into Cassian's t-shirt, trying to make them stop quavering. Cassian just held her tighter. It was a simple gesture, but soon Jyn felt her body still and her breathing evened out.  She untangled her hands from his shirt and he released her gently and laid back down next to her, his breath soft on her face.

After another minute of silence and just laying there, Jyn felt like she should say something.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

“Don't be,” he said, a bit gruffly. “Must have been some nightmare.”

Jyn remembered the figure and the feeling of being unable to move. She nodded.

Cassian hesitated.

“Do you...want to talk about it?”

Jyn shrugged half-heartedly.

“Do you want me to talk?” Cassian asked.

Mutely, Jyn nodded.

So Cassian talked. He talked about his job and the people he worked with. He talked about the things Kay said that got him in trouble, and how Cassian would get him out of trouble (usually). He also talked about his boss and how much Cassian hated working for him (he’d mentioned this Draven guy before, but the more Cassian talked about him, the more he sounded like a complete and utter tool).

Eventually, his words began to sound heavy on his tongue, and his eyes were drifting shut.  Jyn had started to feel the pull of sleep on her eyelids as well, but her nightmares still sat heavy in her chest.  She chewed on her lip.

“I dreamed about my father,” Jyn whispered.

Cassian’s eyes, which had become almost slits as sleep began to take him, were suddenly round and alert.  He was completely still.  

“And my mother, I think.  Somewhere, in the mess of...everything...he was there and...I don’t know I just- I just haven’t thought about them in a long time.”  She sighed.  She could feel tears pooling in her eyes and tried to hold them back.  This was dumb, she shouldn’t still be this upset about it.  It had been years ago.  And yet…

Cassian bit his lip, paused like he was considering something, then his arms were reaching out and he was pulling Jyn into his body, wrapping his arms around her.  It wasn’t until Jyn was flush against Cassian again that she realized it was exactly what she wanted.  A few tears welled over and soaked into the shoulder of Cassian’s t-shirt.

Cassian pressed his lips into her hair and murmured something she couldn’t quite make out.  It didn’t matter.  Curled into his chest, Jyn felt sleep quickly dragging her under, and before she could even whisper the thanks that was on her lips she was out like a light.

**.   .   . **

When Jyn woke up it took her a minute to remember where she was. It took her another minute to figure out why she felt so warm and foggy-headed. She was still wrapped up in Cassian's arms. Cassian, whose chest she could feel rising and falling, was still asleep.  

Memories of what had transpired through the night began to bubble up into Jyn’s consciousness.   _Shit_ .  The sounds in the night.  That awful dream.  She had cried on Cassian, not once but _twice_ . _Fuck._ Now what?

Her instincts yelled at her to get out as quickly as possible, but that was impossible to do without waking Cassian up and, to be honest, a very large part of her didn't really want to run away from... this, whatever it was.

A terrified part of herself yelled that this all meant nothing. That Cassian's actions towards her were completely out of a platonic regard for her. But how many guys would platonically hold you in their arms as they slept?

_He could have let go_ , Jyn thought. _After I fell asleep. Or even before._

Before she could debate it anymore, however, Cassian woke up.

Maybe it was because of all they had talked about. Or because she'd spent half the night wrapped in his arms. Or because this had just been a long time coming. Jyn didn't know what it was but she mostly felt an overwhelming sense of impatience and decided to take matters into her own hands. She turned her face away from his shoulder and into his neck. And before she could talk herself out of it, Jyn gently pressed a kiss to the corner of his jaw.

She felt Cassian's sharp intake of breath and, to her disappointment, felt him pull away. But he only moved back slightly and when she looked up he was staring at her. The moment dragged on and Jyn felt her heart begin to race.

She had messed up. She should apologize for being so forward and for putting Cassian in this position. How could she have been such an idiot?

“Cass, I’m s…” but her words were lost when Cassian pressed his lips against hers.

Relief and surprise washed over her. _Finally_.  Cassian pressed kiss after kiss to her lips, the corners of her mouth, her jaw, her neck.  Jyn raked her hands through his messy hair, along his shoulders, down his back.

He groaned and his lips found hers again, this time with a ferocity that took Jyn’s breath away. She responded, letting her lips part as she sighed.

Jyn pushed on Cassian’s chest, forcing him onto his back and she brought herself up, bracing herself with a knee on either side of his hips.  She crashed her mouth against his with such intensity that Cassian couldn’t help but smile against her.

Then, as Jyn’s hands began to trace up Cassian’s abdomen, she froze, breaking off their kiss, much to his disappointment.  Her eyes darted towards the door and narrowed.  

“Jyn, what is it...”

“Shhhh. Do you hear that?”

Cassian listened and heard voices drifting from the kitchen.

“It's just people talking, wh- Jyn wait!”  But it was too late, Jyn was gone from his bed and out the door.  

Then her voice rang clear and sharp from the kitchen.

“What... the FUCK!”

Cassian was on his feet quickly, darting out the door.  The sight he was greeted with was slightly unusual, but not totally uncommon in their apartment.  Bodhi and Luke were seated at the counter in their kitchen, drinking coffee and eating breakfast.  What was perhaps a little unusual was the fact that Jyn was currently pummeling Bodhi with a pillow.

“You! Said! You! Were! Staying! At! Luke’s!”  Jyn punctuated each word by swinging a throw pillow from the couch at Bodhi, catching him in the arm and chest with each throw. It was clear Jyn wasn’t actually try to hurt him, as in the past she had proven herself quite capable of causing harm when she wanted to, even when wielding only a pillow.  

Bodhi held his hands up as a shield around his face, looking a little perturbed, but mostly amused, at this interruption to his breakfast.

“What - ow! - what are you going on about?”  

Jyn’s chest heaved with anger.  “I thought there was no one next door to me!  So when I heard noises last night I thought there was… I don’t know, an intruder or a...a…”

“A clown? Ow!”  Bodhi’s smirk was met with another _thwack_ from the pillow.  

“We were going to, but then Wedge was already back with his partner and...well you know how they get.”  Bodhi shrugged.  “Anyways, we were still pretty freaking drunk when we got back here and I sort of remember missing the bed when I went to lay down so that must have been what...you... heard.” His eyes narrowed as he spoke, and he looked over Jyn’s shoulder at Cassian, at his ajar door, and then back at Jyn.

“Did...did you just come from Cassian’s room?”

Suddenly, all the rage Jyn had been emanating dissipated.  

“I...yes, but… I thought I heard something last night!”  She puffed up again, trying to re-summon her rage and direct it once again at Bodhi, trying to distract him from this sudden topic change, but the red rising behind her cheeks was a dead giveaway.

“I was freaked out, okay?  I heard noises from _your_ room which I thought was _empty_ , so  I went to talk to Cassian and must have fallen asleep…” she trailed off.

“Sure, _sleep_ ,” Luke snickered into his coffee.  Suddenly all the fire was back in Jyn’s eyes and directed at Luke, who wilted under the intensity.  Without taking his eyes off Jyn he slowly put his coffee down on the counter, as if moving too fast or getting distracted would cause her to pounce.

“Bodhi…” Luke muttered, with barely concealed panic.

“Sorry babe, I can’t help you now,” Bodhi said as he picked up his cereal bowl and quickly moved out of the line of fire.  

Ten seconds passed where nobody made a move, Jyn glaring down at Luke, who vaguely resembles a deer that had found itself in the path of an oncoming truck.  Then, much to everyone’s surprise, Jyn snatched the toast off Luke’s plate and backed away to Cassian’s room, still clutching the pillow, never breaking eye contact until she swung the door shut.  

Bodhi was the first to break the silence.  At first he chuckled softly, but as the silence melted away it began to bubble up louder until he was almost spilling milk out of his bowl and tears formed at the corners of his eyes.  

“I thought you were a goner!” he gasped between laughs.

Luke finally moved, simply staring sadly down at his now empty plate.  

“My toast.”

Bodhi wiped the tears from his eyes and grinned at his boyfriend, “Awww, suck it up. I’ll make you some more.”  

Cassian, who wasn’t really sure what he was meant to do at this point, just mumbled, “I guess I’ll just…” and without finishing the sentence turned and went back to his room. Bodhi’s laughter only got louder as he slunk away.   

Back in his room, Jyn was sprawled across his bed.  The toast was nowhere to be found.  Cassian closed the door, turned to look at her and, suppressing a smile, said, “you better not have gotten crumbs in my bed.”  

Jyn gave him a sly grin.  “And what’ll you do if I did?”

Cassian shrugged, doing his best to maintain a straight face, walked over to the bed nonchalantly, Jyn’s eyes following him.  “I don’t know.”  Then he pounced, hopping on his bed before Jyn could react, and pinned her down.  His face hovered above hers and she was grinning.  

“But I’m sure I’ll think of something.”  

He kissed her again until she was dizzy and her hands clutched at the front of his t-shirt.  

Cassian broke away, panting for breath.  

“So,” Jyn said.  “I know that movie was terrible and I honestly never want to see it or think about it again.”   

Cassian pressed his lips against her neck as he mumbled, “Yeah?”

“But, fuck, am I happy we saw it.”

Cassian smiles against her neck.  “Me too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • How do you end one-shots/ficlets?? I have no clue, so this is what you get. 
> 
> • Please don’t hate me for interrupting their kissing! I’m just not a smut writer (...yet) and I think we all know where that was headed. 
> 
> • I would just like to highlight the fact that in the movie they saw (It, in case anyone forgot), Pennywise legit dresses all in white and has blue eyes (well his eye color varies a lot but the most memorable scene of the film they are very much blue). Much like a certain other, less terrifying but equally evil, villain we may know of. Hence Jyn’s nightmare. 
> 
> • Jyn would never actually harm any of her roommates/friends, but they still very much fear her wrath.

**Author's Note:**

> "G&T" = gin and tonic. I've mostly heard the shortening here in the UK and it means I don't have to say Jyn is drinking gin, so yeah.
> 
> Also "yuppies" is slang I've heard my parents use, and google revealed that it's actually a common term for "a fashionable young middle-class person with a well-paid job," which is exactly what I was thinking of. Not to be confused with hipsters, although Baze dislikes both equally. 
> 
>  
> 
> Part 2 to follow shortly, as soon as I write it! Find me on tumblr at whatwill-you-become.


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